You’re A Hazard, Harry
What turns you on more?
Watching my your glistening cock going in and out of my pussy or feeling my entire body fucking you?
What can I get for you?
4 bottles of vodka and 2 packs of Marlboro reds
Some signs exist because theyre practical Others have a hell of a story behind them
Me: *ignores boy*
Boy: *posts picture lookin good*
Me: hey sorry I was asleep what’s up 😍
(Source: orgasmos-multiploxx, via poetic)
Albus Severus Potter starts Herbology at Hogwarts
"Hey Professor Longbottom; My father says I was named after the bravest man he ever knew, did you know-"
"Well, It’s nice to meet you, Neville Potter"
"It’s Neville. Your name is Neville"
A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”
#’what are we having tonight’ ‘italian’ ‘TALK TO ME’
Vampire: “The fair is in town, maybe a date will help…”
human spends the whole time in the hall of mirrors
WE HAVE A NEW WINNER.
this girl’s sense of humor is far ahead of her age
(Source: tsuidark, via stability)
(Source: sexanax, via bullied)
"yeah today i had to shovel dildos off the ice"
I love how your breathing changes as soon as you touch me…